Muchier, Muchness and Abundance

 

Muchness, Muchier, Abundance

 

Fitting that today is about muchness. I am taking Ruby’s call in the summer prompts for my cycle day 17 to step into my muchness. My outfit and make up reflect this today- I feel the slight waves of wanting to hide all of me a little. To shrink. To become less muchier in every moment. And I realize too this is maybe others energetic fields as well. People are not great at managing their energy. I am also only learning. I notice things differently sometimes. My senses are turned on. I am plugged in. Aware.

Energies in this place are wild. I conjure a protective aura of white and purple light around me. Make me invisible. And protected. May I disappear into the atmosphere in plain sight. Here, but not. All other humans are also here. All trying a little more to disappear into the chair, or wall we are sitting in front of. Like a magician. Muggles mingling. Unaware of each other. Children see the magic. I am not here. Not visible. I must really be able to shape shift. This is cool, I thought to myself, as I observed an old friend, not noticing me while sitting only 5 feet away from me in a coffee shop in my old neighborhood. Magic. 

This morning at home, my daughter was legitimately concerned that the writing on her shirt was reversed, after she had looked herself in the mirror for a good long while. I reassured her, by showing her a bottle- let her read it, and then showed it to her in the reflection of the mirror. She saw it was just reversed. Is there another world inside the mirror? Can we step into it? An alternate reality. Young again. Small again. Perspective change. Literally reverse. Is this movement of time, and timelines, this visualization and the embodiment of the reality that we want, desire, are meant for. This is not so much a choice as it is a stepping into. Like I said before, stepping into our sovereignty. We have the birthright of abundance. Of pleasure, and ease. Or at least the choice to choose those.

Baseline is love. Ahh women are beautiful and amazing creatures. Just perfect. Flowy, sensual, shiny, alluring, enticing, inviting. Magnetically drawing to themselves, and out of another, the depths. The vulnerable deep places inside the soul. That is the feminine power. The knowing shit. The ability to dive in, and welcome with creative aliveness back to the present moment. To integrate and to expand with this to become muchier. Much, much, muchier. I feel a bit bedazzled. With all this muchness. Rings, soft fluffy scrunchy, green twine bracelet, flowy shirt, Brazilian capoeira music in my ears. Bongos tapping, rhythmically, bringing me back to my childhood, Puerto Rican church peeps, playing these instruments, tambourines and drums. It was my religious initiation. Hearing drums on a Sunday afternoon to sing praises to the Lord. It was important. Learning how to clap rhythmically and in time. Letting my body move with the sways and thumps of the drums. Spirit taking over, I guess. They called it the Holy Spirit then, I guess I never believed I had it. This possession they spoke of. This deep need to feeeeeeeel something. What the fuck. What was it that I thought being slain in the spirit meant? I guess I thought it would feel a certain way. That I would be taken over, like I wouldn’t have any control over this other Spiriti that would take my body and soul and use my mouth and brain to know things, and to speak things, to understand things that I would have no business understanding. I guess now that could be likened to past lives, ancestors, etc, this desire to know all that is within me. All the knowledge. All the instincts, what are instincts? Is there a difference between instinct and intuition?

Once someone told me that my grandmother was able to comprehends speaking in tongues as her native tongue Hungarian. This man was possessed and speaking gibberish, yet she understood him. Was able to translate his gibberish and give him the message God wanted him to have in that moment. That’s the power I believed lay dormant inside me, that a possession from the Holy Spirit might grant me. The ability to understand without any training or schooling, studying or even basic exposure a language. To speak it, to just let the sounds flow from my mouth without sense. This desire for possession by the Spirits became an obsession. I channeled this desire into my language acquisition, fascination with words, their meanings, they morphing’s. Language and communication, linguistics, semantics, context, lingual evolution. Those drove me, and were born from the need to be a part of the people who were “feeling the spirit” and those that were praying for others to also “be given the gift of the spirit.”

Today, I am no longer in search of this possession. Although it might just have morphed into other pursuits, still craving an otherworldly knowledge. A deep knowing. Glennon Doyle talks of this in her book- we have a deep knowing. I do have this now, I have slowly removed the rubble to access my knowing. To go inside and realize that all the all of everything is already inside me. I need only to expand, stop resisting and doing what I want, what feels good and healthy and aligned to me. Only a bit of tension in the solar plexus today. Good job to me, for relaxing enough to breathing steadily. Being aware and alive and here, NOW.  

 

Today I am abundant, in my acceptance and allowance of my feelings, my emotions, my desires, my boundaries, my yes’s and my no’s. I am abundant in my limitless choices on how I can see and perceive a situation. Abundant in how deeply I can travel in my own reality. Limitless ways to exist in my world. In the Universal world. In Presence. Déjà vu. Time is an illusion. Love is real. Humans are animals and the planets are moving.

Much love and muchness

Love, R