Rachel Michelle

 Now Is The Portal Here I stand. In the present moment.  I feel Spirit around every cell of my body.  Connected to everything.  Feeling all layers.  Make it make sense,  is what I desire.  I tell myself I need it,  I need the justification of why and what  is happening around me.  It surges through me.  I am open, a channel for energy.  I gaze around, illuminating truths and colors.  True colors reveal after some time passes.  Sometimes less power, less feeling is a relief.  I give up.  I willingly give it away.  Your life is your life.  Be honest, it's essential.  Be authentic.  Anger is true.  Rage is essential.  Inside, buried deep lie treasures, just  waiting to be seen and loved.  Curiosity and imagination are the portal. 

  Talk Back "Leave me alone," he approached me slowly, "fuck off," I say, as i sink into  a combination of rage and grief.  He and I dance then in retorts, eye-contact, charged with ravishing thoughts.  Desire, Violence.  He would fight me. I would fight back.  Power play takes over.  Heavy metals, shards are all that's exposed.  Edges and respect.  Spikes and leather layers. Protection.  You were attached and i defended myself.  Makes sense!

A Ramble of Intrusive Thoughts... take it for what it is. just anger/envy/jealousy/hurt expressed, not an indictment or reality! oh what heart ache. it feels as if it were going to both implode and explode at the same time. all my fears highlighted, and screaming at me at full volume.  raging against the dying of a love.  the cord won't cut easily. using all my will power to make the journey through it.  i feel exhausted.  i feel left behind. and I am devastated about that. i feel unchosen and rejected.  my heart keeps breaking more. when old fears resurface. assumptions that I later discovered were intuitive knowing are coming back and  slapping me right in the face.  fuck you.  see. you knew all along you were the problem. You were in the way of something else.  so here I am, and I will move.  i will walk on.  walk away.  away from you. away from the mess you are in.  away from the toxic and bullshit world that you convi...

  Tethered In a wall of depression, you were my happiness.  When I became a sorrow, the burden was too heavy,  the darkness came closing in again and I couldn't see my way out.  But you never let go of my hand.  You held on.  The red thread tethered tight, entangled on the quantum field.  Yet lightyears apart.  We are not in control, we must surrender to the flow.  The universe is working together with fate.  Love holds strong.  Don't give up.  Close your eyes.  And feel your heart.  Let it collaborate with your mind.  And shine your light bright.  Bring into your life that which is for you.  Our red threads taught so tight, the distance between us so great,  that we can walk across it like a slackline up high in the sky.  Balance. We will find each other again. 

  Jump to Conclusions Revolution. Rebellion. Fight for what?  I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders.  I will thrive in life. I will live freely and Joyfully.  I will be authentic. I am myself and that's amazing.  I am proud and alive.  We all need or want someone to blame.  Less trigger.  What if my chaos is my superpower! I am a catalyst.  Fear makes humans respond differently.  I am entering the best time of my life.  I am worth fighting for.  Confusion.  Conclusions.  

  Messy Life feels so dramatic. Crying, sad, happy, horny,  in love, hated, jealous.  Listen to your gut.  Say what I need to say. Be heard. Be who I am.  Be loved as I am.  I am worth it. I am right.  Queen energy. I am Queen. I am in control.  At times I am losing my mind.  Losing control.  I am a mess. messy. 

 Put You In Your Place I want to put you in your place Shut your mouth with a gag and tie your wrists to the  poles of the bed.  Take away your ability to reply.  I want to live freely and in sin.  I would like to be an animal.  Bring the devil to me.  May chaos reign. I'm over it.  Love the sinner and hate the sin.  We will all die. I am going to die. Why stay somewhere I don't feel loved anymore.  Secrets. Liar. Imposter.  Miscreants. Exile. Out.  Crime. Mental Illness. No help for those struggling.  Reclamation.  Drama Queen. Save me! Are you  the Damsel? Do you need rescuing?  You are a scared little boy.  Do you want to be had? I want to be  had.  Life has shocked me again to my core.  I am not able to regain my  center. Circumstances and words  felt like a betrayal to my system.  I need to be honest.  Your emotions come first. Selfish! I am not nothing.  Sav...