Rachel Michelle

 Today is a new day.  It is raining again, third day in a row.  Cold still, jacket weather. closed shoes and sweaters.  I long for Spring, warmth, and touch.  My being untouched and over worked. Paying to be alive is a stress.  Being alive is a blessing. Being alive is wild and weird.  I feel irritation at responsibilities. I just want to work on my own fun stuff.  My own fun projects. My art. My expression.  I want to be with my love. My partner at my side. I am a wanting machine. 

 In Between  I am in the liminal space of time unfolding.  Not quite annoyed, not yet angry even. As if my old default mode has finally expired.  I feel waves of old consciousness' patterns lap up against my toes. They tickle. So familiar. Worn out. Worn in. Like a really loved set of sheets.  That's something we don't buy many of. Sheets. Hmmm.  Slumped over, I sit, feeling the feeling again; familiar, worn out. It's not comfortable, it's not great either.  It's in between. Not black or white. Not even bright. Just there. Mind quieted by sheer repetitive willpower to overcome and choose contentment.  I feel in between today. Just like nature, those in the northern hemisphere will understand. Spring Equinox approaching, yet not quite here. Winter lingers Hyr long cold fingers.  But today the wind howled and whistled. A witch told me once that when the wind holed like that it was the spirits, ghouls and ghosts travelling about. Best stay out o...

 You and Me To be with you, i need my skin to thicken.  I need to get a little tougher.  I want to keep my heart open,  because with you  I feel so alive.  I feel so open and connected, when  I'm with you . I love you. My heart does.  Fuck all that. Run. Little girl, run.  I need to be honest. I desire exclusive commitment in my life, with some occasional organized, and organic play, maybe. Clown- I need to clown.  So when I see you next, I have a bone to pick with you .  To be with you  I need thicker skin. 

 Shift Gears Move on now, just today, to bigger and  other themes and structures in your life. Your family unit. Your  Children. Your legacy.  Put the heavy bag of unknowns down. Let your magicians hat rest.  Later, when you reach into the limitless darkness of the magic inside, you will  pull out a baptized version of the weighty case you carry now.  So, move on now. Towards Red threads and their tethered spots.  

 My Boyfriend Has a Date Go on, go on your date.  I'll be here and masturbate.  Smoke a joint, decompress,  try hard not to obsess.  Jealousy, why her and also me?  Why both? What do you see?  How does she make you feel? Something Special? Or do you admire her, too?  Just like me, she's important to you?  Okay, maybe you don't need me then at all. I can just go.  I am free to after-all. 

 Heart Break Too little too late. Or better late than never.  or who the fuck knows. It's all a mystery.  It's all progress. Forward moving, backward  sliding, along the slopes and loops that  is the twirling, swirling cream sickle  of this universal experience. 

  Nerves  Whoa, hey, hey there, hey.  Raging, waves of intenseness spray and crash onto the insides of my stomach. My heart the boat on top. My lungs  the sails. Turbulent seas.  Uncertain weather.  What else is there to do but surrender to the unknown adventure of vulnerability. Heart open, intuitions' ears peaked for all that is there  to be known. Fear, mmmm, nervous energy.  Can I trust you, she asks.  Can I hold my heart through these storms. Or will your words puncture my vessel  and sink my to the depths?