Rachel Michelle

Scheme to Love Always scheming I am. To get the  guy. To impress the girl. To be longed for, chosen, and wanted. Can I alchemize this game?  My patterns run tired. Fresh strategy is much needed.  Love is what I seek ultimately. And when I ponder that I see my unfamiliarity with love in purest presence.  And I love it. I want to devour it. Thirst for that Jeu de vivre. I am alive.  I am here, I am love.  Ahhh, may i remember that my uncomfortable and  gitty excitement for life is an expression of love.  It is self and something I am born to embody and feel and experience. Something to pursue, to ask for, to take, to have.  Something to live out of, to be. I am born to  be love. Alive love. The obsession to posess, is holding you back from experiencing freedom and peace. 

  Rumble Disappointment is what I feel. Took me  a few weeks, or days, or minutes to name the feeling. A low grade sadness lingered behind me for so long.  I feel it still, but with help of  plant, divine feminine guidance and my coffee, I am getting into the surrendering aspect of the feminine.  I am so chaotically resisting, or maybe I am finally, gratefully, tapping into holding more of the energetics  I wish to grow in me.   Change and growth are expected.  Seasons are rich in symbolism and, well their seasonality.  I also am nature and seasonal and  cyclical. I change. I grow. I evolve. It is a time of rest. Nourishment.  Not a time to focus on the lack or failure, but a time to breathe deeply into my body, my life. My goddess.  Calling her to rule and embody with inspirational and joyful power. 

  Uncomfortable All is here. The richness of the  moment is here now.  Can today be a day you choose yourself? Your heart? Your happiness?  Today I choose my heart. My tender, aching heart. My words feel shallow and  dull compared to how I feel in my heart.  Pish Posh. Smoke a joint.  Masturbate. Love yourself and  go to bed, Universe. 

  From Jesus to Punching Pillows You've got your life there. I have mine here.  I love you. My heart feels deep inside, in the soul entrance to my inner temple.  I feel a fire there.  My soul seeks union. Is this the experience I signed up for? Christianity? Breaking the cycle of trauma and abuse? Of playing small, of denying my womanhood. My power. Even the Christians knew How powerful woman is. How capable,  how nurturing. Life-giving. I am an endless flow of life source. I bleed sacred blood. I die a thousand deaths. Why does it feel so intense to know so Much. I just know some things that hurt my heart. Truth does not always feel good. It feels like truth.  I wish i as with. Together. United.  Adventuring together. Expanding my life.  That is my goal. Must have been part of my evolution! 

  Zombies A Saturday in Fishtown.  "The zombies are out in drones today." I say to the cute barista who looks sad and hiding behind her glasses, under her pink crochet, wavy mushroom flower  cap; on her frizzy, soft hair.  Clarity, brevity, simplicity,  Humanity.  Babies, dog babies, human babies,  We love babies, cute, fluffy, adorable babies.  Creator, shattered, scattered,  strange world, on a loop like groundhogs day, repeat repeat, repeat. What is this life? 

  A small collection of Love prose/poems:  Waking up Waking up, it's you on my mind.  Waking up, it's you in my heart.  Oh heart, oh heart. Oh love.  I am up, I am alive, I live I love, I desire. Today. You. You and I. Us. I desire to touch,  smell, snuggle and love you every day. In person. Together. I love you forever. Winding down High. Yes I do want to be late. Yes I do want to  disobey. Yes I do desire you. Yes. I don't want to be cautious. The Dead Fish's Soul Made-up. Make-up. Wish your Lips touched mine more often In real life.  Honey bear Nervous energy. Anxiety brewing.  Worry, playing repetitively  with hair. Swirling in hand over and over again. 

  Fool I'm a complete fool for love.  Melting now at the love I find My heart holds for you.  Unable to share it and doubting Your heart's reciprocity unexpressed.  Silent towards each other, yet slowly whispering nudges of secret love and prodding for resonance.  I'm a fool for love.  And love's my fool's desire be, be steadfast of mind. Calm the seas.  What do I find? A hot burning and tender achy glorious heart. Confusion floods in, washing and sizzling the emanating glowing embers.